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Think about using this template for all of your staff meetings:

1--Deliver information with B.E.M. in mind (see article below for details on the B.E.M. Principle).

2--Connect employees with each other. At some point during your address provide some time for employees to get connected with each other and share their concerns and hopes for this month (or year). One way to do this is to have them partner up and answer 3 questions you can post on your slides:

**What was a highlight of your weekend?
**What are you most thankful for right now?
**What are your hopes for this year (or month/quarter)?

WHY? Adults have a need to feel appreciated and respected. Connecting with others who are alike provides a sense of belonging and safety in knowing they are not alone in this process. These questions will also change your employees' state, putting them in a more receptive place to hear whatever message you are presenting.

3--Include the positive aspects along with the reality of any message you deliver.

4--End on a Positive
Regardless of the message you are delivering, always end on a positive. WHY? Emotions are contagious. The tone is set from the top down.

So, if you must share grim details about budgets, resources, etc., remember to share the whole picture. Nothing is all good or all bad. By asking yourself the question, What's good about this situation? you will uncover other important information.

For example:
--These times elicit more creativity and collaboration. One organization I provide trainings for is partnering with another to share resources and professional development opportunities.

--These times also cultivate more resiliency. We can do it because we must do it.

--These times are also a reminder that change is constant. Just when we become comfortable and attached to something, life teaches that it's all temporary. This is a time to get clear on what is important, and what we are willing to do about it.

It's not what happens, it's how we respond that matters.

Use the B.E.M. Principle (Beginning, End, & Middle) when delivering your content. WHY? We tend to remember best what is presented First, then what is presented at the End. The Middle portions are least remembered. So, think of the most important point(s) of your lesson and share them first. End with a review of the key points as well a positive hopeful message. Present in small chunks and have students interact with the content in the middle of your presentation. The middle part needs more engagement to assure recall.

Pay attention to the amount of content. WHY? Short-term memory is...short (about 20 seconds) and only holds 3-4 items at one time. So after you present a bit of information, have them review/reflect on it with a partner for better retention.

Consider an important communication piece: the art of giving directions. For transitions into groups or active learning activities, start directions with an action word like take out your folders,

grab your pen, smile at your partner.

Give one direction at a time. Please stand up (pause for them to stand). In just a moment when I say, 'go' please meet your success partner at your poster. Questions? Go.

This type of communication gets right to the point and keeps your everyone's attention. If you make this a habit, you will use less words, save your voice, and your group will focus more easily.

A structured process I have used and taught since 1988 is called the Total Truth Process (TTP). It involves writing down the emotions from an upset using six steps. Some people feel anger more easily as an initial emotion where others might feel hurt first. In reality, both may be present. The TTP starts with ANGER, moves to HURT, then FEAR. Once these key emotions are expressed, the next step is REMORSE and REGRET. Then we move into WANTS, and finally to the section on UNDERSTANDING and FORGIVENESS.

When using the TTP, write the same amount in each of the six steps. Here are the six steps with some sample sentence stems that can be used:

(1) Anger & Resentment: I'm angry that... I hate it when...

I'm fed up with... I don't like it when... I resent...

(2) Hurt: It hurt me when... I feel hurt that...

I felt sad when... I feel disappointed about...

(3) Fear: I was afraid that... I feel scared when...

I'm afraid that I... I get afraid of you when...

(4) Remorse, Regret, Accountability: I'm sorry that...

Please forgive me for... I'm sorry for... I didn't mean to...

(5) Wants: All I ever want(ed)... I want you to...

I want(ed)... I deserve...

(6) Compassion, forgiveness and appreciation: I understand that...

I appreciate... I forgive you for... I forgive myself for... Thank you for...

This is a good process to first use on some mild upset to experience the stages. Then you can use it on larger issues.

Key points to remember:
•emotions are not good or bad, they just are
•you can either be proactive and process your emotions

or they will show up in some other form

Writing is a good place to start before you decide to resolve an issue verbally.

Here's a sample TTP given to me by a workshop participant who had two 2nd grade girls at odds with each other because of a previous slight. She had each girl write a letter to the other and exchange them. Soon afterward they were walking hand-in-hand talking and interacting as usual.

Girl One: I hate it when you talk sassy to me. I felt disappointed when you said I need to learn how to be nice. I'm afraid that if when you keep being sassy to me, we will keep getting into fights. I'm sorry for being mean to you. I deserve for you to say sorry (for being sassy). I understand that you don't mean to be sassy. Sorry-(girl's name) She drew a picture of her riding a big wave and her friend riding one next to her. The caption read 'a little fun can make a big smile. Catch a wave-ok.'

Girl two: I hate it when you try to be my enemy. I feel hurt that you might hurt me. I feel scared when you be mad. I'm sorry that you feel sad alot. All I ever want is to you to feel happy. I understand that you don't want me to be sassy. I want you to understand that you do your best but my brothers are mean to me so I get the feeling that I don't want to be mean but I try to. P.s I will try not to ever be mean. P.p.s. Can we have a day together to get this over with please? She drew a picture on the back of the page with two girls representing each of them. One said I'm sorry (girl's name). The other said I'm sorry too.

Thanks to this 2nd grade teacher for sharing this with me.

The next TTP example is from a sped teacher who suspended a male student and had to manage the rough edges of him coming back into class. She let him write her a letter, completing the sentence stems.

I'm angry that you suspended me just because I didn't take care of my shorts. I hate it you never pick me for a question. I'm fed up with when you get me in trouble instead of someone else. I don't like it when you get mad at me. I can't stand it when you don't listen to me. It hurt me when you ignore me. I feel awful about not listening to you. I was afraid you were going to kick me out. I feel scared when you call my name. I'm afraid that I won't change. I'm sorry that I challenged you. I'm sorry for not respecting you. I'm sorry for treating you bad. I didn't mean to make you angry, I was just in a bad mood. All I wanted was to keep my shorts on. I want you to respect me and I'll respect you I wanted to wear my shorts but I can't. I deserve to go to in-school suspension I understand that we are not supposed to do that. I appreciate that you forgave me. I forgive you...you should forgive me. I forgive myself for treating you bad and not listening. THank you for letting me back into class.

Thanks to this SPED/general ed. secondary school teacher who shared this with me.

The next TTP example is from a high school student who is upset with their parent for being overly critical and not looking at the positive.

You make me sick! It seems that every time I turn around you find something to complain about. I resent that you are constantly harping on me about unimportant things. Especially about the 2 absences on my report card. Never mind the fact that I got A's on it. No! How horrible of me to get 2 absences. I could just scream!

It really hurt me that you had nothing to say about the hard-earned A's I got. I was hoping you'd say good job or I'm proud of you. When I heard about the 2 absences, I wanted to give up completely, because I felt my efforts were useless. It hurts me when you focus on the bad part of me instead of my victories.

I'm afraid that I'm not living up to your standards. I'm afraid that in your eyes I am nothing but a failure. I'm scared to attempt to better myself for fear of failure. I'm scared because im beginning to believe that I am a failure.

Im sorry that I didn't do better. I know if I tried I could have done better. Im sorry I don't help any by getting upset.. I know that you're just trying to help. Im sorry that I fly off the handle before thinking about why you said what you did. I want to not complain so much, because I can handle myself. I appreciate the fact that you cared enough to worry about my attendance. I want to become someone who you can look up to. I forgive you for not saying how much you appreciate my efforts. I know you were only trying to encourage me to do my best.

Thanks to Jack Canfield, Author (and mentor) for sharing this with me and for teaching me the TTP process in 1988.

References:
Pennebaker, J. (1997). Opening Up: The healing power of expressing emotions. Guilford Press: NY.
Canfield, J. (1986). Self-Esteem in the Classroom: A curriculum guide. Self-Esteem Seminars: Pacific Palisades, CA.

You know that the first days/weeks of your class are critical to setting a context for running your classroom. As you establish your procedures and set the tone, make sure to have students meet and greet each other through some activity.

Remember to start with pairs first (no one is ever left out of a pair). Once the class is standing, you might say, Take 6 giant steps in any direction. When they arrive at their location, say, Point to someone you have not spoken with today. Please walk over to that person. Next have them answer 3 questions like those below (adjust for younger students). Once they are finished, use this moment to have them each review a few of the procedures/rules you have taught. (If numbers are odd in the classroom, then there will be one triad during the pair process.)

Three questions you can post on your slides for the first day:
1. What were two great things you did this past semester (or summer)?
2. What are you most thankful for right now?
3. What do hope for this school year?

Three questions you can use as the year moves on:
1. What is one thing that you learned yesterday?
2. What are you most thankful for right now?
3. What do you promise for today?

WHY? Students have a need to feel connected, which provides a sense of belonging and safety. You establish the context for your class from the first day. If you expect them to work with each other and build community, then you want to set that expectation as soon as possible by having them engage socially. Having a little information about a new person helps before getting to the content task (e.g. first the three questions, then the content review). This principle applies throughout the school year.

I like basketball, and I like to spend extra time with my children, so I often coach some of their basketball teams. I coached 2 teams one summer (5th-6th graders) and here are a few thoughts about that experience.

Our teams had diverse ability levels. (Sound familiar classroom teacher?) Two players had played at a competitive level, several had never played basketball, and two had special needs. Just like in the classroom, the kids needed goals. Our goals were to improve each player's current skill level, to be competitive, and to have fun.

Several of the players had been on teams with losing streaks. Losing (like failing in school) can easily become a mindset and part of one's self-image. I needed to change that mindset.

We worked hard at practices, drilling fundamentals and scrimmaging. They needed to experience some quick successes to see that the work was paying off, this happened during the scrimmaging. Using memory strategies in the classroom can help struggling students see that their brains do work and learning something new is a possibility. Each of my teams started the summer with a loss (one team with 2 losses). But each team made significant improvements weekly. We reflected on what was working and what wasn't. We showed the boys their statistics after each game (rebounds, assists, points, etc. during each quarter of the game). Students like and need feedback on their performance. Feedback is food for the brain. The sooner the better. Use peer feedback & rubrics.

A turning point in the season occurred in our third game after having lost the first two games. We were down 16 points at half-time. I told the boys the specific things that we needed to adjust. Next, I challenged them emotionally (we know that emotions impact performance in and out out of the classroom). I asked them if they just wanted to give up and let the other team have an easy win, or if they wanted to make the other team work hard and sweat for a victory. They chose the second option. Students respond to choices. In the last quarter of the game I called a time-out. As we huddled together in a circle, I looked into their eyes and I said: The other team is tired. How many of you have 3 more minutes left in your tank? And the players all raised their hand and said I do! Then we shouted defense on the count of three, and closed out the end of the game with a victory. We beat the undefeated team by 8 points after being down 16 points! Challenge your students to reach deep inside, support them, and celebrate with them as they succeed in your classroom.

What matters is where you finish, not where you started. When your students come in, some will be further along than others. What is important is where you take them from here.

Robert Marzano's research found that having a solid teacher-student relationship resulted in 31% fewer discipline problems.There are numerous ways to build relationships with students. A few basic but important ones are: Greet at the door (stand in the door jam so you can monitor students inside the class and outside the room as well) Learn and use their names respond to their questions inquire about their interests share a bit about you and your interests always answer questions, redirect behaviors and give consequences professionally Use assertive calmness.

Another way to build relationships with the whole class is to give choices for small things:
Have them choose between odd or even problems to answer Choose 8 out of the 20 problems to solve Rotate a person to choose the order of the agenda during a lesson or class period (perhaps for special occasions).

Furthermore, the language we use can also build relationships. Here are 5 types of phrases for building connection, thinking and expectation:

Positive Phrasing: Sure you can take that to the front office as soon as we finish discussing our word problems. Or, We'll be dismissed as soon as the room looks like the picture on the slide.

Problem Solving: How could you know? Where might you find it? What's your first step?

Empathy & Validation: It seems like you're trying to work together, but you're not sure where to start. Or, I can see that it is really important to you to . . .

Encouragement: I know you can do this.

Deeper thinking: How did you come to that conclusion? Or, Say more about that. Or, What process did you use to arrive at that answer?

Quiz on Oppositional Defiance:

Try this short true and false quiz before looking below for the answers.

1. ODD is often accompanied by ADHD. (True or False)

2. Boys are 4X more likely than girls to have ODD. (True or False)

3. Punishment, rewards, and ignoring behavior often don't work with ODD. (True or False)

4. When working with an ODD child it is important to get the last word in to establish authority. (True or False)

5. If you're clear with directives, ODD kids will comply. (True or False)

Quiz Answers:

1. True: depending on what stats you research, the range is between 35-65%. I think of 50% as a good working number. The idea is that it is common to have both and once diagnosed, it is important to treat the ADHD first. This usually results in a decrease of ODD symptoms as well.

2. True: ODD is either sex linked or sex limited. 70% of learning disability diagnoses are given to boys. Hmmm.

3. True: the misbehavior is essentially driven by an overactive emotional system combined with a weak executive function system (frontal lobes). That means that when impulses arise, they are more acted upon because there is insufficient frontal lobe strength to put the brakes on that behavior. These student typically follow whatever is in front of their nose/eyes.

4. False: unless you want more oppositional behavior. There are other ways to establish authority. You don't need to feed the resistance. Students may show an attitude, but still comply. Focus on the behavior not the under the breath stuff. They might murmur.

5. False: while being clear with directives is a good practice with most students, ODD students often react to directives. Directives can become another trigger for their defiance.

The Key To Working With ODD Kids Lies In Reducing The Opportunities

For Opposition: Action steps

Tip 1: Relationship. The first line of intervention is always to build relationship with these kids. While it's not easy, it's still the road to success with them. When things are calm, invest time in discussing interests of the student and just listening when they share something with you. Relationships with these students often take time because of poor attachment with early caregivers. And things may get worse before they get better. But hang in there, change is around the corner...

Tip 2: Empathy. Empathizing with emotions such as sadness and fear comes easy for some educators. Empathizing with anger does not. Think of an angry kid as a "hurt" kid. Anger is often a means of protection from perceived threats.

Tip 3: Re-Direct. Use re-directing questions such as, What's on the schedule right now? rather than statements like, Get to work. Provide choices such as, Would you prefer to work on your project or participate with your group?

Tip 4: Environment. Reduce opportunities for opposition through adjusting the environment: a visually dull area where you are teaching is best. The fewer visual distractions-the better. Keep the mobiles, and colorful wall visuals to the sides or back of the room clear table/desk space except for one pencil and one relevant sheet of paper well fitted seats are best because too big or too small creates sensory discomfort and results in more fidgeting and off-task behavior (any off-task behavior means that you have to engage with the student to get back on-task and thus provides another opportunity for defiance).

Tip 5: Pocedures. They should know exactly where to get the next assignment, and where to put their current assignment when it is complete (shoe boxes and plastic bins work well here). Use less words and more procedures, nonverbals, and visuals.

Tip 6: Emotions. Manage your own emotions. Easier said than done right? It's often the grind and the demands that create a short fuse in us. Still, here are some things to try:

(1) Identify your triggers-what specific behaviors

or situations push your buttons?

(2) Rehearse your ideal response prior to class time--see yourself

responding verbally and non-verbally in the ideal manner.

(3) Practice taking slow deep breaths which stimulate your

parasympathetic nervous system, and can calm you down.

(4) Process your upsets in writing (the Total Truth Process is a good technique for that on p. 160 in my Engage 4 Learning book and also presented in an article above).

(5) Practice re-framing.

(6) Don't take it personal. It's usually not about you.

Ahh, the Holidays . . . and Classroom Stress. Typically, November and December are challenging months for teachers where exhaustion starts to set in. For new teachers they may move from "Survival Mode" to "Disillusionment" according to year-one-teacher-cycle research from UC Santa Cruz. Yikes!

The holidays always bring a mixed bag of emotions for children and for adults. While it is a time of joy and hope for many. Others have their grief triggered during this time, missing friends and family who have passed or are not nearby. Parents are stressed due to lack of financial resources in this tough economic climate and are reminded of their situation when there is not additional money to spend for gifts.

In the classroom, you many notice an increase in poor behavior or a lack of motivation. Some students (and teachers) are chronically stressed. What does that do to the brain? Well it can reduce neurogenesis, the production of new brain cells. The brains of students who live in stressful conditions learn to re-set their stress thermostats. These students may become easily triggered and act out their defiance (they are trigger sensitive). Others may withdraw and shut down-which may look to adults as a motivation problem. However, it is, in fact, a stress problem. What they need is a reduction in stress and ways to cope with existing stress.

What can you do?

Tip 1: First and foremost, manage your own stress. Students always feed off of a stressed teacher. Learn to take mini-breaks throughout the day where you take 3-4 slow deep breaths andpay attention to your feet (sounds weird, but paying attention to your feet takes you out of your head and brings you back to the present moment-any focus point will do). You can also use a two-step composure technique where you take a slow deep breath and at the end of the exhale silently say to yourself, "Sarah (your name) just relax, you can handle this," or "It's not about you."

Tip 2: Allow time for students to process thoughts and feeling in their journals and for small-group sharing.

Tip 3: When planning your lessons, think more of them and less of you. Give students a more active role in the learning process through individual or group presentations. This way they are engaged and you get a break from being on-stage.

Tip 4: During this time of the year practice accepting what is rather than what should be. Accept others where they are in the moment and accept yourself and your emotions wherever they may be. You are exactly where you are supposed to be on this journey of education, based on a set of cause and effect experiences. To resist this idea and to think that it should be different from the way it is, is to engage in "magical" thinking (something 6 year-olds do well).

Tip 5: Have less expectations about how friends, family and others should behave during the holidays and you'll experience more peace. Stop majoring in minor things. Focus on the big stuff.You have lived another year and have the ability to influence the development of young people for the rest of their lives. Take care of yourself physically. Think: more sleep, less sugar, and more moderate exercise.

Happy Holidays!

1. MAKE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SPACE:

Make mental and emotional space to enter the testing state.

A University of Chicago study recently found that students who had 10 minutes prior to a big test to write about their anxieties and worries about the test scored higher than those who did not. Why? Pressure-filled situations deplete working memory which is limited in capacity, and is the primary mechanism in retrieving and using information. When we spend our cognitive ram in managing and suppressing worries, it takes away resources for thinking. Previous work on writing has shown that expressing traumas and stressors on paper can have an impact on mental function and immune function several months down the road. I have been preaching this idea for years and have even written a book about it called Empty The Cup . . . Before You Fill It Up. 

2. SAME LOCATION, TIME, TEACHER, SEATS:

In addition to the internal worries we might be ruminating on,

a novel environment may stress students out as well.

Researchers found that when students were assessed in an unfamiliar environment, stress imparied their memory. When they were assessed in the original learning environment, it did not (Schwabe, L., and Wolf, O.T., 2009). Often student are moved to different rooms during testing. The unfamiliarity of the environment during a testing situation can induce stress which hampers recall. The best-case scenario would be to test them in the same location where they learned the information, the same time of day, with the same teacher proctoring the test, and the students seated in the same place. Why? Contextual memory responds to familiar clues in a familiar environment.

Duplicating the state we were in when learning the material can enhance recall during assessment. If you cannot have students in the same location during testing time, at least do the review in the testing environment a few days prior to administering the test in that location. This aids memory in two ways: it supports contextual memory (location-based) and it reduces stress by being in a familiar environment.

3. SECOND BEST: DESENSITIZE CHANGES IN LOCATION:

If you can't keep the same location, time, teacher, and seats, then set-up testing conditions once per week in your class in which they take tests in different locations and with the same test format

they will see (multiple choice, short-answer, essay, etc.).

This may provide a desensitization effect to semi-stressful conditions. It is similar to football teams holding practice sessions with loud annoying music coming from the stadium speakers so as to simulate the loud stadium noise they will experience on game day.

4. RELAXATION STRATEGIES:

Prior to testing time, students should learn one or two relaxation strategies.

Teach them the two-step composure strategy:

2-3 slow deep breaths followed by a calming thought such as: Just relax you can do this. This should be practiced regularly. Put the 2-steps up on a wall.

Remind them, prior to test-taking, that it is a good thing to take slow deep breaths during the test if they begin to feel anxious. It sounds trivial, but one of the first things that happens when we are stressed is that we begin to breath in a very shallow manner. Instead, boost the amount of oxygen available for the brain by taking slow deep breaths. And, it's free!

For more ideas on relaxation and memory strategies, see my book: Engage 4 Learning with more than 200 ideas to engage and provide an active human connection. Learning is social, emotional, cognitive, and physical (4 major brain systems).

LEADERs: Making meetings work

Short-Term Memory: Use the B.E.M. Principle

Directions: One at a Time

Resolving Upsets: From Anger to Forgiveness in Six Steps

Setting up initial classroom context at the beginning of the Year/Semester

Basketball and Your Classroom

Relationships

Procedures: A Quick REminder

Tips for managing oPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER (ODD) in the classroom

Managing stress During the Holidays

Four tips for improving performance on tests

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